William R. Newell wrote his thoughts on grace over 100 years ago, and although I find myself further and further from so much of his theological tradition he penned a single sentence that has resonated with me for years now - "To believe, and to consent to be loved while unworthy, is the great secret."
Newell's rationale behind the sentiment was more or less a matter of man's response to God's grace, but I've found that it defines a broader struggle for me. There is no greater lacking in my soul than the ability to receive love. To be the object of another's admiration and affection is perhaps the most painful sensation of my life, but one that I crave deeply nonetheless. It's far easier to engage with people in a shallow and superficial comaraderie than it is to discover the depth of intimacy and profound human engagement. I got the tattoo below as a reminder that the challenge is ongoing and deserving of ever-renewed intent - The worst case scenario is that I am indeed unworthy of being loved - the best case is that my very being warrants deep love. I suspect the truth is somewhere between the two, and closer to the latter.
